Kentucky Fried Conundrum

This is the story of the time not having a girlfriend saved my life.


I was in Bengaluru a couple of weeks back (The post being so late in the coming is testimony to my laziness), visiting my sister. The plan for Sunday was a family outing to the mall, except the entire family wasn’t too keen on it.

Who, you might ask, would be so dull as to not want to have fun at a huge mall?

Me, I would sigh.

“What are you going to do sitting in the room all day? Why can’t you just come with us and enjoy like everyone else would?” Mom asked me.

“What am I going to do wandering around the mall all day?” I countered.

Malls were not my idea of a good time. Firstly, there are always way too many people around to be comfortable. I’m highly selectively social, so a small room with no company isn’t necessarily a bad place for me. Maybe I’d do well in a good prison.

Secondly, I don’t really see how the hotel room is more boring than the mall.

The Mall: I only buy clothes when I really really need to, (like I did before college, and even with that, I have around three wearable jeans), because my jeans are skinny-fit or slim-fit or tapered legs or one of those things I don’t know the difference between, which makes trying them on a tiring ordeal. Add to that the constant removing, wearing and retying of shoes. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. So taking that into consideration, I’d just be wandering around aimlessly looking at stuff I’m not going to buy.

Compared to that,

The Room: Over a hundred hours of movie on my laptop (Including The Room movie too), a couple of shows, the internet and over a hundred books on my Kindle.

I think we have a pretty clear winner here.

I managed to convince mother and stayed back while they went out. All was fine, until lunchtime two. I opened the room delivery  service  menu. Isn’t that the coolest part of hotels apart from the bouncy beds, at least according to the movies? As soon as I read the menu, I knew I wouldn’t be happy ordering from it. The cheapest option was of three hundred rupees, and that was a kid’s burger. Now, I might have struggled to remember the term room service there, but I’m no kid. I failed to see why I should pay so much for pretty ordinary food when I could get better grub outside for a fifth of the price.

So I suppressed I suppressed the introvert/antisocial part of me and gathered my social crutches: Kindle, phone and earphones. My lunchtime came later than my parent’s, so when I reached the Phoenix Market City, I had to eat alone, which was fine by me, as my choice was KFC while theirs was an Indian thali.

I walked to the food court. Ordering went fine, but when I turned around, I knew I was in trouble. Bengaluru has a population of around eight million and it seemed that half of them had decided to have lunch at this food court. I slowly walked through the sea of tables, scanning for an empty table.

I had had had had had had to do a presentation in class recently  and I’d talked about how overpopulation might not really be as big a problem as it was made out to be, but I knew then that I had been dead wrong. There were way too many people in the world and the table production could not possible keep up.

I had walked back and forth for around five minutes (It might seem like a short duration to you, but you’re not me and you weren’t there, okay?) when I heard a voice. Well, I was hearing a lot of voice because it was a noisy room, but this voice was talking to me.

“Are you single?”

The speaker was a woman sitting at a nearby table with a guy. I did not understand why she would ask me that, but I was single, so I replied in the affirmative.

“You can sit here if you like,” she said, and I noticed that there were was an empty chair at their table. She had meant to ask me if I was here alone.

I thanked them for their kindness. It was a rescue worthy of one of those National Geographic shows.

I still shiver with fear when I try to imagine what would have happened if I’d been in a relationship. I’d have said “No” when the woman had asked me that, not understanding her intent, and I would to this day be wandering around that food court with a cold burger in my hand.


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